Thursday, November 13, 2008

nobody expects the spanish inquisition: thoughts on marriage

And no one expects how parts of life that were once so natural can be challenged with the acceptance of a spouse. Beyond the traditional advice of what conversations to have before getting married (think "how do you squeeze the toothpaste tube" and "which way does the toilet paper roll go"), there are other questions to consider as well.

From my experience, I propose the following questions should be held in advance of any nuptials:
*Do you cut sandwiches in triangles or rectangles?
*Real or fake Christmas tree?
*JIF or Skippy (submitted by my in-laws)?

In addition, there are some arrangements that should be discussed, if not before, then very quickly into the marriage. These include:
*Sleeping arrangements. Trust me, if either one of you is a sprawler, cover-yanker, kicker or otherwise active sleeper, investing in a king-size bed could save your marriage. Along the same lines, don't be offended if your significant other is not a 24-7 cuddler. It's not personal. He/She still loves you. Not smelling your morning breath all night long will only help your relationship.
*Closet use. In my experience, I perceived my husband as having too many clothes (weren't expecting that, were you?), and I'm guessing if I asked him, I have too much stuff (that's a gentle word to use as opposed to what might actually come out of mouth). Sometimes it's ok to designate space (it's not ok to organize your husband's closet by color and short-to-long sleeve - I had a lot of time on my hands when I was unemployed). The closet can be metaphorical (and not the C.S. Lewis variety) - boundaries and expectations should be part of discussions whether it's the closet or the coffee table (yet another example). Sometimes compromise, sometimes share, somtimes get rid of a lot of t-shirts, sometimes put on your big-girl panties and deal with it.

If all answers to those critical issues pass the test, then it seems supplemental reasons supporting marriage are also due. I propose the following:
*four words: high occupancy vehicle lane
*someone to share tasks with (did I tell you about the time I almost destroyed our yard with the trimmer and couldn't feel my arms for weeks after from the shockwaves that went through my body while trying to manuever that sucker? So glad to have someone else to do it.)
*and "for the mutual society, help and comfort that the one ought to have of the other both in prosperity and adversity."
Any time I can throw in Monty Python, C.S. Lewis and Pride and Prejudice into a post, it's gotta be a good day.

1 comment:

  1. It is nice to know that you not only appreciate my craziness but love it. I love that you are nuts too.