Thursday, January 29, 2009

the jolly green giant matron of honor

My youngest sister is getting married. Green is her favorite color. I once picked her up at college for a quick bite to eat and she was covered head to toe in green - she looked like a walking lima bean. So, it's no surprise that green will be in her wedding colors.

Pair that with the knowledge that I will be the tallest member of the bridal party (not sure where I'll rank with the groom's side), and you have the recipe for the jolly green giant in the wedding. Also, matron of honor? Who thought that was a good title? I've jumped straight from flower girl to matron of honor. It's true I'm probably internally closer to an 80-year-old woman, but externally I'd like to keep the illusion that I'm in my twenties.

The only advantage is that it may make overpowering the other bridesmaids easier should they try to take me down (so long as my other sister is on my side). You think this is a joke? It was not so a few nights ago when my dreams led me inside a locker room, apparently below the area where the ceremony was to be held - I'm holding out that the wedding won't actually be in a gym, where the rest of the bridesmaids were waiting to shoot me with a small, hand-held, silver gun. That was no laughing matter - until I woke up. As a mammoth green-clad matron I should be able to defend myself against the frail twinkies of youth.

(Disclosure: I've not actually met a couple of the women in the bridal party, and I trust my sister's judgement that they are wonderful human beings (without criminal records). Dreams will be dreams. The jolly green giant matron of honor will be a reality.)


  1. Rebecca,
    What is it with you and guns. At least the bridesmaids didn't have black mustaches!! And where was your younger sister to defend?

  2. Hahahaha, well I asked Rachel and apparently the entire grooms line is 6 foot and over, a lot of them 6' 3" or taller, so we'll match you with one of the tall ones. AND if she sticks with the ideas that we can pick our own style of shoes you can wear flats or small heels of your choice. Keefer is the shortest Bridesmaid at 5' 6" and Gabby is 5' 10" so with the rest of us some where in the middle, if we wear heels (and I definitely will) you really won't tower that much :)

    You will, however, still be green. But at least we shot down the green and gold face paint. You're welcome. :P

  3. So I totally relate to being tall and being told I would be a bridesmaid in green. But it wasn't so bad. We wore a dresses like this one:

    And the color was Kiwi.

    I think this is the same company we got bridesmaid dresses from for my wedding. Everyone said they were really comfortable.

    Anyway... I sympathize. Good luck :)

  4. HAHAHAHAHAHA. "frail twinkies of youth"

    seriously when are you gonna write a kids book? i'm in a critical study of children's lit class and believe me... kids would LOVE phrases like that!

    by the way I think you'll be an absolutely lovely matron of honor :) green dress and everything! plus the rest of the bridal party is gonna love you :) if it makes you feel any better some of em are worried about bein a little top-heavy so i guess everyone will have their vices (mine will be not to pee myself when i walk down the aisle... i make no guarantees so you or sarah's bouquet is going to be made of baby butt wipes... y'all can flip a coin :) )