Thursday, February 5, 2009

not a fortune

I have a couple curses when it comes to eating out. 1) I will be the last one served. 2) If there's an un-fortune cookie to get, it will be mine. I'm most concerned with the second one currently.

"It will be a sunny day" is NOT A FORTUNE; it's the weather report. It doesn't even make a good fortune if you add "in bed" to the end of it (because who wants to spend a sunny day in bed?!). In fact, I can get a much better tasting cookie at a bakery or from my youngest sister. The point of opening a bland-tasting, crunchy, curled cookie is to open up a piece of paper that has a sentence reading "you will win the lottery" on one side and your lucky numbers on the other. That's it.

Still, this is not nearly as depressing as the time I opened up a fortune cookie to discover absolutely no paper. Nothing. I didn't have a fortune cookie; I had a cookie. Thankfully, that one was wrong. I've been very fortunate in life.

Nevertheless, there should be some parameters for fortunes in cookies. Simply saying it must be a declarative sentence is too open-ended (though I'm glad to know that all two students who know how to write declarative sentences have career options). I propose they should avoid weather reports and general declarations of mood ("You are a happy person" (not anymore) is not a fortune - except for the person you're with). It should predict something about the future. And, if you're going to throw "fortune" in the title, ideally, it should say something about good luck. That's it.

Oh, and every cookie should have a fortune.

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